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Category: In The Home

Title: Food Spoilage Test


Belly Buster:
These seem appropriate since I just cleaned out the refrigerator yesterday! :)

"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
Unless there are three other people." -Orson Welles

***

"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30
years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The
original meal has never been found." -Calvin Trillin

------------------------------------------------------------

FOOD SPOILAGE TEST:

DAIRY PRODUCTS:
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt
is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese.
Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like
regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk
anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already.
Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese
but you realize you've never purchased that kind.

EXPIRATION DATES:
This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.

MEAT:
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a
three- block radius to congregate outside your house, the
meat is spoiled.

BREAD:
Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially
acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any
loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth
areas are a good indication that your bread has turned into
a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.

FLOUR:
Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.

SALT:
It never spoils.

CANNED GOODS:
Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a
softball should be disposed of. Carefully.

CARROTS:
A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.

RAISINS:
Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.

CHIP DIP:
If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the
floor, it has gone bad.

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span
of a hamster. Keep a hamster nearby your refrigerator to
gauge this.


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